omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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