dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
