i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
