best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
