Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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