I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
