Your tits are I can't wait for
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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