Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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