I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize