I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
