paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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