I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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