how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
