R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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