I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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