It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
