some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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