I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
