...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
