THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
