I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
