I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
