What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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