is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
