I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
