Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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