I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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