drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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