Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
