i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
