Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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