he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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