I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
