YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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