phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
