I want to make a zoo with you.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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