Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
