went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
