Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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