she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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