FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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