Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
