we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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