awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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