No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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