there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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