i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
