Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
