I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i dont even know how to be here
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
