I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
