I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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