I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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