Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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