I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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