Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
