i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
