After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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