Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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