Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
