There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
