the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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