How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
