I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
