Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
