She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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