i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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